thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize
