chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
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