my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize