lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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