my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
