I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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