he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
