I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Randomize
