i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
