I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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