Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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