As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
