i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
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They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
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As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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