dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
