this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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