I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
this just has baby written all over it
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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