dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
