never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
