When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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