i jhust puked up my retainher.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
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If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
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Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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