Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
