are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
It's official drugs can't kill me
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
