you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
