my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
