I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
