sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
