the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
