If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
