I just threw up on my dentist
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Randomize
