I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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