just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
