Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
