It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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