drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
