I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
