You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
