ya dads aren't the best wingmen
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
