I CAN MOONWALK!
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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