life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
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