Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
