You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
