If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
