The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
