So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize