I wanna bring you to show and tell
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
