We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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