Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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