just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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