Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Holy shit dude........stairs
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
