3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
