Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
