We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
