apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
