Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
