So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
