just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
