very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
