I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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