We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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