Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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