I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
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If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
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