I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
