i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
