I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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