pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
