i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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