More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
