im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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