first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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