So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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