I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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