Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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